Lone Ranger

Something or someone triggers me to write about one distinct character of mine. The thing unfolded when a junior college of mine told me that life as a postgrad here looks pretty lonely. And when I asked her why is that, her spontaneous answer was to take me as an example. Of course that tick me off. So I ask her what’s d difference between me and her, an undergrad student. She told me that she got many friends here and their life r filled with their own activities. So my spontaneous explanation to her, I’ve that life before… Way more exciting then hers and as a proof I told her I’ve visited all d states in Malaysia during my 3 and a half years at UKM.

But I can’t totally disagree with her. To compare with my undergrad life before n as a postgrad now, it can be pretty quite n lonely sometime. Yup, my friends here sure are smaller in numbers if compared with d ones I’ve back in d peninsular. And my weekend now r filled with d visit to my research lab or spending time n money in d city. Whereas during my undergrad, almost every weekend me n my colleagues organized student activity which usually held outside our campus. So half an hour after our last conversation I texted her. ‘Partially true, my life here can be lonely sometimes, and that something I’ve to sacrifice to further my studies in this field. Even in d media, scientist r portrait as a loner. But I’ve choose this path, and there is a lot of differences between when u choose to do something n when you have to do something.’ D reply I got from her r quite shocking. She admitted that her life here has been lonely and she needed to change. It looks like she d one who’s in some emotion turbulence.

And to be honest, in my opinion we all been through that moment in life. A time when u felt like no one care, ur left to fend for urself and life is boring ; ( …. As for myself that moment came often especially at younger age, cause I’ve always been a LONE RANGER. I don’t have many friends during my early childhood, none of I still know now. And only a few of my primary school mates that I still kept in touch.I can’t recall any sweet memories from my junior high, and for my high school friends only a few of them whom I still kept their contact number. Maybe it’s because my family moved a lot then. But d main cause is I think is me myself. When I was a young boy, I have trouble mixing with d others, I tend to do things my way (and that sometimes lead me into trouble), I was a slow learner (I only master spelling n calculating when I was in standard two) and my emotions are unpredictable. Looks like pretty troublesome kid eh. But just recently I learn that there is some medical term for kids like me. It means children such as me r considered sick in some way (emotionally I think) and need special attention, care and sometimes medication. That term was not generally known in d psychotherapy field during my childhood days. So I grown up like the other normal kids, eventually I made it up until were I’m standing now… sometimes throwing tantrum along d way though hehehe.

It’s not I’m blaming anyone for the treatment I received during my childhood. I am very thankful to have very understanding parents n siblings. Whom manage to tolerate with all d fuss I throw at them. Teachers whom r very dedicated and never gave up on me. Friends who understand me and all whom helped me until I reached this height, THANK YOU ALL. So for me those sometimes lonely feeling which taunted us r just emotions that we human have. It just depends on how u handles it. For me, its a part of me .Sometimes I like to go my own way, even though the others are heading d opposite direction. But regularly i like to hang out with my friends, a lot of things r more interesting if done together-gether. Finally the phrases from d Whitesnake song – Here I go again concludes it all.

Cause I know what it means,

To walk on this lonely street of dreams,

Here I go again on my own,

Going down the only road I’ve ever known

Like a drifter I was born to walk alone,

I’ve made up my mind,

I aint wasting no more time….

PS: We were never alone actually, if we have faith in God. He is always there listening to our cries n pledge. Never d less I still miss my UPSM mates back home though…

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